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Sunday, April 1, 2012

My missing my brother, Bill

Today is April l 2012. Such a day, such memories. 

One event that CAN change your life for good and to be a more compassionate person if you let it is: Suicide.

This is the day 40 years ago that my elder brother 'took his own life'.  

Let me tell you about him, from what I have gleaned over the years.  Since I was 10 and my brother after me was 7, we were young and not to 'well acquainted' with him. 

William Mertroe Stiles, we sure miss you. Genius you were, kind hearted, strong as an ox, creative, leader, loved and admired by young and old. 

My Grandmother: Ethel Boyd Hollinger said once, " it was because he got hit to many times in Football and Wrestling " that he took his life. ( more on that later, another day ).

Class President of YHS 1972, Wrestling Captain, Football Team Captain, Friend, Brother, and Boyfriend. 

I know life has it's problems, and maybe your girlfriend broke up with you, you were so in love. Was that it?
I know you had been in a tournament for Wrestling and had a tooth knocked out, Was the impact to your head to much?

We can never know, but I pray God lets us meet again.  I have a strong confidence that you left this life with Gods Grace.

17 years old, but you had accomplished so much in that time, you made your family and friends proud to know you.  

These are a few of your friends accomplishments:
One friend is now a pilot with American Airlines and has such love and care when he speaks of you. 
One friend is an Ophthalmologist, another a Superintendent of a fine NY school district. 
Another friend is the leader of a huge Insurance Company, he misses you so much. 
Another yet is a Missionary with a large origination.

You came from friends who were your equal, Super Smart Kids who did great things with their lives. 
What would have your life been?  Would you have been a great Pharmacist? A Dr.?  What would the last 40 years been like?  I can only dream and wonder, just like all of us. 

Let me tell you how we are doing now:
One sister has her own beauty salon and is married now.
One sister has raised five children and now is a Christian and follows Jesus Christ and the Bible.
Your little brother is a genius at Construction and is married. 

Mom and dad are 80 and 81, and are doing well. 
They have split up, but they are 'better' apart, it might have happened anyway, but your death was a big blow to them.  As to all of us. 

In 40 years there is still open wounds, but we 'don't go there'.  We just don't. 

The first 8 -10 years were pretty rough, but we survived. Then moved on, and then began to heal. 

The next 10 were full of new memories, grandchildren for mom and dad, and traveling adventures. 

The first grandchild, a son, was born on April 1, 1984.  He is smart like you Bill, he is a writer and loves to create with his mind.  I had to wait 3 weeks extra for him to be born, and then God arranged it to be April 1, of all days!
What a blessing, God brought Life on the day of tragedy, thank you for my son.

After those years we just all seemed to 'do life', and yet always had you in our hearts.  

We are all here. As healthy as we can be with a piece of our heart gone, no one has gone out of their mind  ( although it was a temptation ), no one has been in jail, no one has been living a life of immoral choices.  We are alive.  

My faith and Hope of a better life has sustained me, my family has not had this 'support', but they are 'supported' by love of friends and family. ( because in honesty, I would have 'wimped out' in depression if not for Gods love near me )

This year the class of '72 is having their 40th reunion, you will be there in hearts and minds.  We love you Bill, and sure do miss you. 

Yes, Life kept moving forward and here we are 40 years later.   Hurting, Healing, Hoping and Missing you.  

We all kept living to honor your name, we all kept living to share your life with others who needed hope, we all kept living to share your memories.

Gen.50:20  As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good. 

( my note: evil comes from demonic forces, God does allow it, for our good or correction ) Will you trust God again - today?

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